He's bringing his new show, 'Hurt Like You've Never Been Loved', to the Eventim Apollo Hammersmith in 2016. Do you know what it reminded me of? But more recently Boyle's become increasingly honest and political, as shown in his excellent Guardian column. Did you see that woman that died after drinking 10 litres of Coke a day? A lot of people think he goes too far, but I'm not one of them. You are a lucky, lucky audience. I like these wee consumer sugar festivals we have. Frankie Boyle doesn't take any prisoners.
They change the meaning of words on us to control us. And you thought you vaguely recognised one of them from the day that your little brother went missing. You can register to vote at 16, but you have to be 18 before politicians stop finding you attractive. Humans are the only animals that watch porn. Glaswegians drive forty miles to get Krispy Kreme doughnuts. We are simply giving you the best information on what is new on Netflix around the world! I spent the last nine months eating hummus out of a skull. He flies around the world, apologising to all the children that actually have to make the presents.
You move the bed under the umbrella. What about that wee guy that raised all the money for cancer research? He lives on his own in the forest, then, suddenly, a wee boy lives with him. I never get involved in celebrity paedophilia, myself. She looks like quite a… Quite a doable rent boy. Hats off to the cunt. This happened to me recently on Byers Road. I totally mean this in a good way, right.
Well, they did the same thing the Spartans did. Be sure never to sit in the front when you go attend one of his shows live because he will totally destroy you. We need to engage more with politics, man. Piers Morgan says that women send him knickers through the post. The politicians involved in paedophile scandals… Of course politicians are fucking kids.
Allegedly he mounts the faces of dead pigs. Before Twitter came along, if I wanted a stranger to call me a cunt, I had to go out for a walk. Not that Boyle's toned down the black humour. Feel the mana for yourself on a visit to the islands of Tahiti, and sample some of these activities as you connect with the breathtaking nature of the South Pacific. Make some fun new memories and maybe even contribute a bit to your personal growth — or, at the very least, walk away with a fun story to tell. If you feel offended by anything in this show tonight, feel free to tweet your outrage on a mobile phone made by a 10-year-old in China.
And the political class project onto you. I thought it was very sad to read about the death of Robin Williams last year. Stuart Hall got 15 months. There was a certain amount of irony involved in that. Something to put England on the back foot.
Our elites are the only people in the world that feel jealous of orphans. They need to start doing those down the pub. America have a mercenary army now. Jimmy Savile had the paedophilic range of 26 miles. Hey, man, what are you? Maybe we should stop and use the money to build a giant waterslide park for people with cancer. Americans making a movie about what Vietnam did to their soldiers is like a serial killer telling you what stopping suddenly for hitchhikers did to his clutch. Knowing that there are Canadians, Americans, people all over the world that would be thrilled to be in an audience in front of Frankie Boyle on a fucking Saturday in Glasgow.
And the best I could come up with was this. Fetch me my majorettes stick and my pink ribbon. The Scottish Frankie Boyle is by far the most politically incorrect stand-up comedian. I honestly hope that you get cancer quite deep up your arse. Maybe they deliberately cut social spending and attack groups like social workers, so that there are always plenty of orphans for them to fuck! Nigel Farage, who to me always looks like a frog trying to escape from a scrotum. Unless you include my cat.
Hid from Scottish people… In a pub. You spent half of every day working out how to hide your packed lunch. No one had warned me about that! But I do think, the English public school system creates the worst people in the world. Cancer research gets done on animals. Before that guy from the Lostprophets came along. You run as far as your little legs will carry you, and as dawn breaks you hide in a ditch, you sleep in a ditch.
The Scottish comprehensive system does quite a bit of damage as well, to be honest. I hate consumerism, Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber. However, it seems Boyle has mellowed ever so slightly as the years advance, and he can now be found directing his ire at political targets in an excellent column in The Guardian. Do you know about this? Imagine punching your producer when Richard Hammond is in the fucking building. So, like white Americans have a stereotype of black people as being criminals.